The Root of Persuasion: How to understand and overcome emotional resistance to be a more effective c
by Kathy Seaton
From the article, “Communication Isn’t Always Enough,” by Jerry Jellison, Ph.D.
Imagine that someone is trying to convince you to try a new food – for example, a tofu sausage – for the first time. At first, the thought may not seem attractive. But if you are willing to try just a little taste – to take a free sample – you might in fact discover you enjoy the combination of flavors, herbs and garlic.
We’re All Resistant to Change
As we consider this, let’s also admit that we can all be resistant to change. If you have any doubts about this assertion, ask anyone who’s tried to get you to change (e.g. your direct reports, life partner, or your children). Resistance isn’t an “us versus them” situation; it’s just that sometimes we’re the influencer and some- times we’re the resister.
“Rational” Resistance to Change is Emotionally Charged
Although resistance is driven by emotions, resisters don’t think they’re being emotional. They always have “good, rational” reasons for resisting change. To circumvent their negative emotions, you must be prepared to change your influence strategy.
Communication is ineffective because the source of resistance is largely emotional, not cognitive. A resister’s most common emotions are associated with fear of loss (e.g. loss of: job, authority, habitual work patterns, etc.) and self-doubts about their capacity to successfully make a change.
And someone who’s resisting wants nothing more than to keep communicating. Dialogue is in their self-interest: as long as you continue talking, the person doesn’t have to change.
Avoid the Unending Communication Trap
Instead of getting caught in the trap of unending communication, switch to a behavioral approach that circumvents resistance by directly minimizing negative emotions. The key is to get the resister to start taking small progressive steps in a new direc- tion despite any objections and fears. If you can get the person to try the new way two or three times, they’ll make several important discoveries: the change isn’t as frightening as they thought it would be; they’re better at it than they imagined; and they’ll experience some tangible benefits of the change.
The “free sample” is an influence technique that has been used for millennia and it’s based on the same behavior change concept. To use another example, realtors and car sales people invariably try to tempt you beyond your stated price range. They want you to take a peek at the ultra-modern kitchen or to take the red convertible for a spin about the block. If they can nudge you to actually experience the extra level of luxury, they hope you’ll rationalize spending more money.
The behavioral strategy is called activation and it includes a set of specific techniques that managers can use to implement change at work. These tools are designed to get people to take the first tentative steps. Personally experiencing the benefits of the new way is far more persuasive and convincing than talking, talking, and talking.
To learn more about how to use these behavioral strategies to be a more effective communicator, download the full article for free here.